


Turning Point

by doctorkaitlyn



Series: Ladies Bingo 2020 [10]
Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Companion Piece, F/F, Introspection, POV Dani Clayton, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28289196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorkaitlyn/pseuds/doctorkaitlyn
Summary: Despite everything, Dani didn’t think that it would end this way.(or, before she slips away, Dani looks back on her improbable life.)
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Series: Ladies Bingo 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956031
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21
Collections: Ladies Bingo 2020





	Turning Point

**Author's Note:**

> written for the 'the unexamined life is not worth living' square on my [Ladies Bingo 2020](https://ladiesbingo.dreamwidth.org/) bingo card! this also serves as a companion story to [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28198104), which is from Jamie's POV. 
> 
> as always, major kudos to my partner for editing. 
> 
> happy holidays to everyone, here's some more sad fic.

Despite everything, Dani didn’t think that it would end this way. 

Towards the end, as she tried her best to deny the truth that was becoming harder and harder to ignore, she didn’t think that she would make it back here. Back to Bly. She didn’t have any intention on shirking the journey back – she fully intended on _trying_ to return – but at a certain point, she began to suspect that she had crossed the turning point. With each subsequent day that passed where she didn’t flee from home, she fully expected that the Lady of the Lake would lose what little patience she had left and would simply take her over, ensure with force that the promise Dani had made to her all those years ago was fulfilled. 

She thought that she had delayed too long for any other option. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t entirely avoid looking in water and at reflective surfaces, and every time that she looked, she saw the Lady staring back up at her. Despite her lack of eyes, the stare burned down into the very core of Dani, and every time she found herself pulled in, she suspected that it was going to be the end. She wouldn’t have a chance to say goodbye – she was simply going to be gone. She would lose what little individuality she had left, the tiny bit that she had stubbornly clung to long past the point where it was prudent to do so.

But, while she sincerely doubted it was due to any goodness that may have lingered deep in the Lady’s heart, she was spared that particularly indignity. Instead, after waking up with her hands hovering above Jamie’s throat, fingers itching to dig into the fragile skin around her neck, she had been given a choice. She could ignore it as the sign it clearly was, or she could do what she should have done months ago, when she began to feel the Lady really clawing at the inside her mind, when she became nigh on impossible to ignore. 

Sneaking out while Jamie was gone, hurriedly packing a single bag with clothes grabbed at random from their shared closet, hadn’t been part of her initial plan. If she had been braver, she would have waited until Jamie had returned. She would have sat her down on the sofa and told her that it was time. That she had to leave. She would have said goodbye. 

But she hadn’t been able to. While it might have been the braver thing to do, it also would have been the most painful thing to do. Even with the danger looming over both of them, if Jamie had asked her to stay, she would have. She would have unpacked the bag, returned her clothes to their hangers, would have placed her passport back in her nightstand. She would have crawled back into bed beside Jamie, they would have held each other while they cried, and they would have tried to move on with their lives. 

And maybe it wouldn’t have been that night. Maybe it would have been two nights later, or a month if she was lucky. But eventually, she would have woken up to find her hands around Jamie’s throat again. Maybe she would have woken up to find Jamie’s body already growing cold beside her, eyes frozen open with fear, fingers curled stiff at her sides. 

She couldn’t take that risk. 

So she had slipped away.

And now, she's sitting in the cold mud on the shores of the tiny lake, watching as the sun descends towards the tree tops. Even though it hasn’t completely disappeared yet, there’s a chill in the air. Her bare arms are spiked with goosebumps, but while she can see them, the actual discomfort of them is muted, like she’s somehow passed the experience off to someone else. 

If she ignores the Lady eagerly pressing against the inside of her head, _clamoring_ to come out, it could almost be a peaceful experience. She could pretend that she’s just returned to relive some of her old memories, check in on a place that so hugely impacted her life. She could stroll through the halls, run her fingers along the fine wood of the antique paneling, remember when the huge building had echoed with the laugher of children and panicked screams. 

But she’s made it this far. She’s already taken the most difficult steps of the journey. Going for a walk around the grounds or exploring the manor would just be another form of procrastination. 

She’s not quite ready to go yet, but she’s not going to waste her last moments of freedom walking down hallways that she can recall perfectly whenever she closes her eyes. 

She’d much rather think about Jamie. 

Weary with exhaustion, she forces herself to stay present for a little longer, for long enough to reminisce for a little bit, to examine the details of her improbable life, a life that, as a terrified young woman fleeing the States, running away from multiple layers of trauma that followed her across the ocean, she never thought she would be able to have. 

She’d been _happy_. Despite everything, despite the doom that loomed over them from the very beginning, she had been happy with Jamie. She had experienced the wonder that was feeling Jamie’s arms tightly wrapped around her, the delight of seeing Jamie’s bright smile directed at her, the incomparable contentment that she felt waking up beside her in the morning. Around Jamie, she didn’t have to tuck elements of herself away after trying desperately to sever them completely. She could just _be_ , and Jamie welcomed her with open arms. 

It had been wonderful. It had felt like breathing fresh air for the first time in her entire life. 

Closing her eyes, she allows herself a smile as Jamie’s face appears in her mind. It’s from the last time she saw Jamie, right before she slipped out the door. She had thrown a smile back over her shoulder as she left, waved and said she would be back soon. She had been effortlessly beautiful, her curls shot through with strands of gray that Dani loved to stroke with her fingertips while Jamie slept. 

Dani keeps that picture in her mind for a long, long time. She memorizes every last aspect of Jamie’s face, the color of her eyes and the exact curve of her lips, the spirals of her hair around her face, the tiny wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and the way her pale skin catches the sunlight. 

And then, before the Lady can dislodge the picture from her mind, Dani allows Jamie to go free. She gently blows the image away, like sending dandelion fluff on the wind. She empties her mind of everything else and gets to her feet, barely aware of the cold spreading through her bones, of the dark sky above her. 

And then she turns her attention to the Lady. 

Finally letting go, finally opening the door in her mind that she’s spent so much time and energy keeping closed, Dani takes her first step into the cold waters of the lake. 

It feels like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, I can be found on [tumblr.](http://banshee-cheekbones.tumblr.com) :)


End file.
